XBox 360 Rally

(Weekly NSFW Warning: Now Issued)

You know, every week something happens that keeps warranting this segment. In all honesty, I never intended for “t3h w31rd” to be a weekly segment here at X360R. But people continue to do what is, for lack of better wordage, stupid shit. So, it is with this in mind that I welcome you to this week’s round-up of all things odd, here in teh w31rd.

This w33k’s Top Story:
Never Fuck With Lord British. Ever.
Ok, so about a month ago a bunch of college kids broke onto some property in Texas. While on the property, the college kids proceeded to help themselves to some rather expensive alcoholic beverages, including high-priced wines, champagnes, and my personal poison, Scotch.

One problem: While they were partying, the nitwits forgot their digital camera. What’s even worse is that they had images on said camera of them breaking onto the property. But… who’s property did they break onto? Why, none other than Richard Garriott’s. Strangely, this is nothing new to Lord British — he’s had people break onto his rather elaborate estate before. I mean, it’s built like a castle for Christ sake — I’d be hard-pressed to not try to get in there.

The moral of this story: Don’t fuck with Lord British. You will never win.

#2 Worst. Tattoo. Ever.
Sure, nothing will ever beat the absolute travesty that was the Silent Hill tattoo. With that said, this is easily the second worst tattoo ever put onto a human body. It’s saving grace? …it at least is in color.

…what the hell would drive someone to do that? What sort of strange, mutant impulse in your damaged head would allow you to sit there, objectively think it over, and then say “…yeah, ok.” to this?!

Jack and Jesus are tight
Jack Thompson’s sole purpose for being on this green Earth is so that we all have someone to point and laugh at. For years, he’s been a thorn in the side of Take-Two Interactive, and their subsidiary company Rockstar Games. For the most part, Thompson has been more or less like the Blacktip reef shark: He may sound intimidating, but once you see one you find that it’s a harmless… skittish… little… pest. But, like most pests, if they grind at you long enough eventually you will tire of them.

As Take-Two has. Take-Two Interactive is taking Thompson to court, claiming that Thompson has been violating their 1st Amendment rights (and he has). Thompson, known throughout the legal community for taking the high-road during sticky matters (by which I’m sure they meant to say “takes the road north towards “Sticky Matters” Gentleman’s Club”), has fired back. What makes this worthy of “t3h w31rd?” Absolutely nothing.

Oh, wait. There WAS that thing about enacting the name of God. Don’t believe me? Read for yourself:

Dear Gamers and Gamer Publications on the Internet and Elsewhere:

I have been praying, literally, that Take-Two and its lawyers would do something so stupid, so arrogant, so dumb, even dumber than what they have to date done, that such a misstep would enable me to destroy Take-Two. With the filing of this SLAPP lawsuit last week, my prayers are finally answered.

This lawsuit, filed in US District Court for the Southern District of Florida, is, without a doubt, the single dumbest thing I have ever seen any lawyers do in my thirty years of practicing law — while in continuous good standing to do so with The Florida Bar, I might add, the shock radio and video game industry’s efforts notwithstanding.

I encourage folks to read Psalm 35, a Psalm of David, which is brilliant in its entirety (since God Himself wrote it), but for those who don’t own a Bible or who think their hands will catch on fire if they touch one, here is the salient portion that applies to this lawsuit:

7 For without cause have they hid for me their net in a pit, which without cause they have digged for my soul.

8 Let destruction come upon him at unawares; and let his net that he hath hid catch himself: into that very destruction let him fall.

9 And my soul shall be joyful in the LORD: it shall rejoice in his salvation.

The pit Take-Two has dug for itself will be patently clear next week when I strike back. Oh, and by the way, the entire Take-Two management and board will be gone on March 23, so this pit-digging comes at a very bad time indeed.

Amen, and Praise be to God Almighty, maker of Heaven, Earth, and yes, the maker even video games.

Jack Thompson

…hard to argue against a guy who has Jesus on his side, right? …yeah, you guys are right — Jesus would sit this one out.

Epic England PS3 Launch Lines!
I’ll save you all the details of the story, and just sum it up like so: Three people were in line camping out for the England PS3 launch. Three. And one of them wanted to sell his on eBay.

I really have no sarcastic quips for this one. I mean… that’s beyond bad, Sony.

WoW Memorial
This video is actually touching. Sure, the really bad lyrics and singing to “Glycerine” by Bush is hit and miss, but when you see the end of this video, none of it matters. All I can say is that this is what every hardcore WoW player would want, should they pass on.

“Flyin’ Brian”
Permanently AFK
1987-2006

And Finally…

Plasma Pong
It’s what Pong would be if you did a LOT of acid.

See ya next week!

Richard Garriott, Lord British, Digital Camera, Texas, stupid criminals, scotch, tattoo, Game Boy, Konami code, Jack Thompson, Take-Two Interactive, lawsuit, Jesus, God, psalms, World of Warcraft, WoW, AFK, tribute, memorial, plasma pong, pong, acid