XBox 360 Rally

Now, I know there was no w31rd last week — it saddened me, because it’s easily my favorite segment on the entire site. It’s a chance for me to sit back, unwind, and just go OFF on weird and stupid shit… I should mention that, as always, that t3h w31rd always runs the risk of being NSFW. Either way, ladies and gents, I present to you… t3h w31rd…

I gots a Wii you can hold, Assholes!
Remember a while back when everyone was up in arms (rightfully so, I might add) when some second-rate radio station in Sacramento essentially killed a listener on-air? Yeah, nothing’s happening to them.

Now, I don’t have to point out the sheer amount of bullshit this is. Anyone with at least a 20% functional brain can figure out that the radio DJs in question were directly responsible for the death of the woman. I’m not saying it was intentional, but they were responsible, and anyone who listens to the episode in question will know that. Hell, when the nurse called in to warn them, the DJs mocked her. The fact that these two are going to walk is just disgusting, and I’m sure there is a special place in hell for them.

Now that I have that out of the system, let’s get into the light-hearted stuff.

Didn’t I tell you to NEVER fuck with Lord British?!
Amy Adams (who I admit is a fox), Christopher Erich Ambrosius, Jamie Marie Anderson, Jeffery Steven Figge, Ryan Keith Hess, Abraham Cazares, Travis Lynn Foxell, Steven Andrew Silva and Scott Berner, congratulations. You are officially the nine dumbest criminals of 2007.

Those of you playing at home, those are the names of the nine dimwits who broke onto Lord British’s property, and stole some booze… while taking pictures… and forgetting the camera. Either way, the police got the camera, have identified the nine, and have issued arrest warrants for each and every one. Now, as for Amy… I say we put her under house arrest. Namely, my house. As for the other eight, toss ‘em in prison so they can get their salads tossed. I don’t say that because this is such a vile act against humanity, but if you get caught THAT egregiously, then you deserve forced anal penetration.

But wait, it gets better.

One of these bandits has a MySpace. After looking through his pictures… yeah, he seems like the kind of dumbass who would leave his camera at the scene of a crime. By all means my faithful readers — let this asshole know just how stupid he truly is.

…and if y’all can get me Amy’s number, I’ll buy you the next WoW expansion.

It took a while, but the Dreamcast is FINALLY dead!

Yeah, you read that right — this past week Sega announced that they were halting repair services for their Dreamcast and Saturn consoles by the end of September. Dreamcast. And Saturn. Sega Saturn. Now, I don’t know which news is bigger — the fact that Sega is halting repair service to their Saturn, or the fact that they still HAD a repair service for their Saturn! Now that I know they do, I’ll send them both in for repair, dammit!

For all you stateside Dreamcast and Saturn owners who want repairs, I suggest you read up on THIS.

More EBGamestop Fraud
Remember earlier this week when I went off on how Gamestop tried to tell me I never bought a warranty for my Xbox 360 EVEN THOUGH I had a credit statement that showed that I made a purchase from Gamestop for the exact amount I was charged on the receipt? Yeah, for the second time in three days, EBGamestop has trued to fuck someone over.

So this poor guy over at the Gamestop forums buys a “new” Xbox 360 Premium (why? The Elite is, like, three weeks out) from an EBGamestop 150 miles away from his home. Upon returning home, he found the box re-taped, the bags missing from all the items and a user account already loaded onto his Xbox 360 Hard Drive! I think it goes without saying that this is NOT a new console! How this could have passed to begin with is something that SHOULD boggle my mind, but alas, it makes perfect sense.

But, after some finagling with the District Manager of EBGamestop for his local area, some sense of close came from all this:

FINAL UPDATE: I went to the nearest EB store today to exchange the used system for a new one and made them open it and test it out in the store. The district manager also spoke with me over the phone to discuss compensation right in front of many customers I might add. He offered 50% off the Oblivion game I had also bought with the system but I told him I think it should be free because that would be more acceptable but he would not go for it. He did however admit that it was his fault for this issue occuring and will discuss this with the other DM’s to change EB’s policy on reselling used systems as new. He also apologized for the incident and I was glad that someone finally did. He is also going to have a talk with the store manager who was dissing the 360. So I really do hope that this event has an impact on the company’s policy (at least in Canada) so this does not happen as much in the future. Like I said, I’m still not 100% satisfied but I’m glad to finally get a system I can use for now.

Thanks for reading and be sure the next time you do business with EB to insist that whatever product you are buying is new and FACTORY SEALED. If not, simply refuse to buy such products and report the store to EB customer service which can be found on the contact us section of www.ebgames.com

That is the weakest cop-out I’ve ever heard. He’s going to talk to the other DM’s to change EB’s policy of reselling used systems as new? That implies that EB HAS a policy regarding selling used as new! …you got to be fucking joking me. Moving on!

Greatest Handheld EVER!

If you have never heard of a man named Ben Heck, you’re in for a hell of a treat. See, Ben Heck is known primarily for turning home consoles into handhelds. The image above is his PSP before the PSP was the PSP, which is a converted PS-X. Some of his greatest projects include, but are not limited to:

Playstation
Nintendo Wii
Xbox 360
SNES
NES
Colecovision
Atari 2600

Devin Hester is a whiny bitch
Devin Hester apparently thinks he’s the fastest runner in the history of the NFL. So much so that he whined, bitched, moaned, and otherwise threw a massive fit until EA Sports gave him the first ever 100 speed score in Madden NFL 08. But it’s not enough to get the first perfect 100 in Madden history, oh no. A quote from the original ESPN article (Yes, this made ESPN):

“Well, since you’re asking, my defensive awareness was low — too low,” he said, “and I definitely need to break more tackles. On a few of my returns last year I feel like I showed what I can do in that category.”

Punk, shut the hell up! Maybe you should work harder to be a first-string Cornerback before you start worrying about your character in Madden, ok? Sure, you had a breakout rookie season — but will that translate? That’ll remain to be seen, but until you do the same thing for another three or four years, you are cordially invited to STFU, bitch!

Kasumi is hot — even in figurine form
I’m not going to post any pictures here because, quite frankly, I’m already pushing it with all the colorful metaphors that t3h w31rd spouts off with on a weekly basis. But suffice to say — Kasumi is a fox. Sure, the artwork on the figure is top-notch, and definitely colorful, but let’s face it — she’s just hot.

I do warn you, though — it’s not 56K friendly. Apparently the Japanese all have broadband.

And finally…

W.T.F?!
You know, not everything that you find here on t3h w31rd relates to gaming. On the rare occasion something will happen in the mediums of television, film or music that is just so damn out there that I have to mention it. This is one of those instances. So without further adieu, I present to you…

Alanis Morrisette…

See ya next week!

t3h w31rd, Lord British, Texas, Nintendo Wii, Hold Your Wee for a Wii, Sacramento, California, EB Games, Xbox 360, screw job, rip-off, Ben Heck, Playstation, Atari 2600, NES, SNES, Sega, Saturn, Dreamcast, Alanis Morrisette, Devin Hester, Madden 2008, ESPN, Kasumi, fox, My Humps, parody