Win Golden Axe for Xbox Live Arcade - Enter Now (no purchase necessary omg!)
Xbox Live Arcade, home to so many arcade classics. When I think of arcade classics, I think of Golden Axe. I remember my friend getting his Genesis for Christmas and this being one of the earlier titles we used to play as much as we could. Easy enough beat em up type game play, balancing between magic and using the beasts themselves as weapons, to even fighting off little trolls/elves to get power ups, it was just plain fun. Well JW and I want you to have fun too! Thanks to Sega, The Rally has been hooked up with 5 copies of Golden Axe on the Xbox Live Arcade to give up to our readers… I’m talking about you. Since there is a couple of millions of you readers and all of you are like our children, we can’t just pick 5 favorites, so it shall be decided randomly, literally, with the help of random.org. Here is the official rules on how to qualify:
Make a comment on this page including two things:
Why you deserve Golden Axe. Your Xbox Live GamerTag. Make sure the email contact you are required to put in to leave a comment, is a valid address. Contest will end on Saturday, August 25th at 11:59pm EST, so make sure to get it in before then.
That is it. I will throw all valid comments into a random list which will then pick the top 5 choices on who will receive a copy of Golden Axe. Sega has also done us a solid with some copies of Sonic on XBLA, a contest is in the works for that title, which will require MS Paint (or Photoshop) plus a little creativity, not just on detail though, we know not everyone is elite with Phothoshop, but hey, we’ll get to that later in the next day or so, but for now, leave a comment on why you are worthy of a free game, and make sure to include your GamerTag. Winners will be announced on Sunday (26th). Don’t worry about holding out for Sonic, you can enter both contests and win them both (damn we’re nice).
Random note and update: Thanks to all the people who have entered for the “Win Grand Theft Auto IV” contest we are having (link). If you haven’t heard by now, GTAIV was pushed back a bit, however, the contest is still ending October 1st. The prize of GTAIV will still be valid, unless you would like a game sooner, then we *might* possibly just let you pick another title that is available at the time.
August 18th, 2007 at 4:07 pm
I deserve Golden Axe because i used to have the game on the sega megadrive, and it was an awesome game, and i wish i could re-live the awesomeness of this game!
My gamertag is coldjim99
i hope i can play this game once again
August 18th, 2007 at 4:14 pm
I deserve Golden Axe because I used to use all my money to play the arcade original when it was in town at the fair, but they got rid of it. I miss it so much, so this is like a dream!
My gamertag is splatternick
Thanks,
Nick.
August 18th, 2007 at 4:24 pm
I deserve Golden Axe because I have never been able to play Golden Axe before as it was out when I was very young.And I would love to play it as I have heard it’s a great game.
My gamertag is Simna.
August 18th, 2007 at 4:27 pm
You should give me Golden Axe because I’ve never played it before. Back when I had a working Genesis, a friend of mine nabbed it after I bought it and I never had a chance to play it. I don’t use ROMs, so I still haven’t played it.
It won’t go to waste, I promise.
Gamertag: Agent Chieftain.
August 18th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
I need Golden Axe for the Xbox 360 because I had the original when I was 7 and I never passed the giant turtle. Now that I am older, I have the skills to pass the game, but cannot find a copy of the original. Plus, I’m 15 and have no money
Gamertag: the GAMEGOBLIN
August 18th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
Hello.
I think I deserve a copy of Golden Axe Because:
At the moment my Xbox 360 is broken, but fortunately my brother’s is still working. So I can play sometimes on his Xbox 360. I don’t have many games to play at the moment, but Golden Axe would be a fantastic addition to my games! This would keep me occupied whilst my 360 is in repairs for days and days.
I’m also looking to get as many 200/200’s off Arcade Games as possible lately and I’ve heard that this game is doable. So this would be perfect for me to boost up my Live Arcade 100% Completion target.
If you gave me a copy of the game it’d be highly appreciated, and I’d never forget. If not it, well, It’s not the end of the world!
Anyway, Thanks.
Gamertag: I Andy I
August 18th, 2007 at 4:35 pm
I think I deserve Golden Axe because growing up in a generation which, by the time fully developed, Golden Axe was not popular, I never had a chance to play the game fully, and I’ve never really been able to support the cause to go and buy any of the many systems it was supported for and buy the game. I’d love to get through the game as I couldn’t when I was a child, and I think it’d be great to do so on Xbox Live Arcade.
gamertag: electro lemon
August 18th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
I believe I deserve Golden Axe because for it’s time, it was one of the greatest co-op beat em up games there was. I blame it for takeing many hours of my day, and sleep. It was great, a little underappreciated, and I want to enjoy the originality all over again.
Thanks Sega.
Gamertag: Jesusaur
August 18th, 2007 at 5:13 pm
I deserve golden axe because… i love you?
gamertag: crimson noir
August 18th, 2007 at 5:14 pm
I feel I deserve Golden Axe because it reminds me of growing up in a small little town. Our biggest store was a 7-11 that had the GA arcade machine and where I was first introduced to video games. Every time my family would stop there I would beg to play it and never got very far since you really can’t buy too much at 7-11, lol.
Thank you,
Chris
gamertag: ch2423
August 18th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
I think I deserve Golden Axe because like many I grew up in the 80’s a gamer, and I’m still a gamer today. I remember playing this game years ago, and when I was a teen my mother sold my systems and my games because she though I was getting too old for gaming. I was torn up and never forgot it, if I got a copy of the game it would bring a little part of my childhood back to me. Thanks for this opportunity.
Gamertag: QueenFemmeFatal
August 18th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Because if I don’t win, I’m not going to buy it. Which means if I don’t win, I won’t even get to play it (at least not the full version). Which is why I should win.
Gamertag: z1zzy
August 18th, 2007 at 6:50 pm
I have never played a golden axe game but always wanted to. The price of the microsoft points are to expensive for me so I can’t buy any arcade games.
Xbox LIVE Gamertag: tashirodc
August 18th, 2007 at 7:08 pm
I don’t have some big, fancy story about growing up in a town where Golden Axe was the only game in the arcade, and there was a queue five hours long just to have the chance to play for ten minutes.
Golden Axe is just a fucking awesome game. Running up to a priest looking guy, kicking him in the ass, and stealing his books is basically the best thing of all time. That, and summoning tornados and shit with your sword. That’s pretty pimp, too.
So, I’d like to play said kickassery again. If my desire to kick a priest in the balls entices you in any way, then let me be one of the five.
Thanks gentlemen.
Lethal Dosage, gamertag Vertebreaker2k1.
August 18th, 2007 at 7:14 pm
I deserve Golden Axe because I lost lost all 3 of my livers in a terrible croquet accident. THe doctor said I need Golden Axe to live.
August 18th, 2007 at 7:15 pm
gamertag: bfeld13
August 18th, 2007 at 8:00 pm
I think I deserve Golden Axe or Sonic because they’re both games that I played as a kid. Fond memories of starting up my Genesis to hear the advanced blips and bleeps of its time while thinking the games had the best graphics ever…damn, I was wrong.
Oh yeah, another reason is I need more achievement points. I only have 971. :/
gamertag: Octocamo
August 18th, 2007 at 8:22 pm
[...] an XBox 360? If you do head over here to see how you can win a copy of Golden Axe for XBox live [...]
August 18th, 2007 at 8:40 pm
I feel i deserved golden axe cause i have the many versions of the game, including sega, PC, nintendo 64, dreamcast, PS2.. i kid you not!
Gamertag: Tenchi619
August 18th, 2007 at 8:43 pm
i know i deserve a copy of Golden Axe because i’m sick of having nothing to play but these banner ad games on teh websites - GET IN THE FUCKIN’ EYE YOU STUPID CONTACT! DADDY NEEDS LASIK SURGERY!
August 18th, 2007 at 9:14 pm
I feel like I deserve golden axe because I need something to ease my suffering of not being able to afford to buy bioshock,I must tolerate the shame of simply renting it. So please….Ease my suffering.
My gamertag: Japsicant
August 18th, 2007 at 9:20 pm
I’ve never won a copy of this before…
I mean, how many other people can say that…
Cain141…
August 18th, 2007 at 9:28 pm
viagra Golden Axe bigger pianist Chief Bromden Madison is for lovers High Voiced Boys
gamertag: The Red Lizard
Who wants to play Halo with me and Cecil? Friend Requests!
August 19th, 2007 at 12:00 am
I deserve Golden Axe because I don’t have anymore money I am a poor college student
Gamertag: Zelos005
August 19th, 2007 at 12:50 am
I think that i deserve a copy of golden axe because my mother needs quadruple bypass surgery done on her, but the doctor says that he’ll only do the surgery if I can play and beat Golden Axe for the XBL arcade. But… i can’t afford it. PLEASE don’t let my mommy die… *sob* (p.s. he’s the only surgeon in my town/country)
my gamertag is salman707
August 19th, 2007 at 6:46 am
Hi,
cuz I rock the axe more than anyone!
gamertag:
chewytomatoe
August 19th, 2007 at 7:41 am
Hi
I deserve golden axe on xbla because I only have one leg!
gamertag: soulman666
August 19th, 2007 at 11:13 am
I shuold recieve a coopy of goldn acks bee caus me can not spill.
August 19th, 2007 at 11:17 am
I shuold recieve a coopy of goldn acks bee caus me can not spill. I allsew can not fellow instrucktions.
Gamr Tag: Jer Air
August 19th, 2007 at 11:44 am
I deserve golden axe bec……..BABA BOOEY BABA BOOEY HOWARD STERN’S PENIS BABA BOOEY!!
GT - heysoosejk
August 19th, 2007 at 11:48 am
I deserve golden axe because i’m old and used to play it back in the day.
gamertag is… danteinthedark
August 19th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
i deserve golden axe because i want 200 more gamerscore points
gamertag is… oWEST
August 19th, 2007 at 4:04 pm
I deserve Goldenaxe for the following reason..
When I was younger, I was only allowed to have certain games, being limited money wise from my parents, and I played GoldenAxe all the time. Now that I am a father of 3 boys, I want them to relive my hype when I was a little trooper and play Goldenaxe with their dad.
Gamertag: VipeNess
August 19th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
I deserve Golden Axe because my 360 just got the 3 red rings of death. That means i wont be able to play anything for the next 4-5 weeks, I also have golden axe for my old sega genesis which I play once and a while. It was a sweet game to play with friends when i wanted something old school. Thanks Sega and I hope you choose me!!
My Gamertag is: Maltese Idiot
August 19th, 2007 at 7:50 pm
I deserve Golden Axe because when I had the game my cartridge broke half way in I would love to play it and final finish it.
gamer tag: TashiroDC
August 19th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
I have SEGA Tattooed on my Leg, that should good enough to get a free SEGA game.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v196/SeGa4life/1.jpg
It would help to answer people questions like “why did you get SEGA Tattooed on your leg”
For some reason “Because I’m a SEGA Fan” or “because it’s original” isn’t enough.
August 19th, 2007 at 11:25 pm
O my Xbox Live Gamer tag is “The Forever Man”
Named after “Chakan The Forever Man Game”
August 20th, 2007 at 2:55 am
I deserve Golden Axe because I never win contests, so I want to actually win something for once in my life.
Also, because I kick ass.
August 20th, 2007 at 2:57 am
crap.. i can’t win if i don’t follow instructions.. sorry it’s 4am and i am beat.
gamertag = Kezins
I deserve to win GA because I never win contests, and really want to win this one. Also because I kick ass.
Feel free to add my gamertag. I need more people to tea-bag when Halo 3 comes out.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:08 am
I deserve Golden Axe because I’ve already played and beaten Golden Wrench, Golden Jigsaw Blade, and Golden Butterfly Knife.
August 20th, 2007 at 11:47 am
I deserve Golden Axe because of my gamertag alone…corndog. Seriously. Look at all these other GTs and tell me that I don’t deserve this game. ’nuff said.
August 20th, 2007 at 12:05 pm
I deserve Golden Axe because as a child I have watched Conan the Barbarian 242 times. If that does not warrant me the winner of this contest. Then sir, you have no soul or heart.
Tag: Sir Rayo
August 20th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
[...] Contest is still running and way easier to win than this Sonic one, either way, you can enter both! So click here and enter both contests! Did You Enjoy this Post? Subscribe to XBox 360 Rally. It’s Free! « Back Home Posted in Free [...]
August 20th, 2007 at 4:25 pm
I deserve Golden Axe because I deserve Golden Axe. Stop asking questions.
Tag: defektive
August 20th, 2007 at 4:48 pm
I deserve Golden Axe because i’ve been itching to play it online since it came out.
Tag: Corncobtacular
August 20th, 2007 at 5:14 pm
I derserve golden axe because Im bored
August 20th, 2007 at 5:21 pm
I deserve Golden Axe because I loved the demo, but I can’t get any more Microsoft Points. I was born after this game came out, but I know that it is a classic that all games should play and I would love to try it.
August 20th, 2007 at 8:08 pm
I deserve Golden Axe because it’s a long time before Halo 3 comes out, I need something to pass the time, which Golden Axe can probably do.
Gamertag: N1×0n4Pr3z
August 20th, 2007 at 9:34 pm
i deserve this game because i am currently unemployed and am tired of playing demo versions of games.
gamertag: XB360Gamer
August 21st, 2007 at 11:41 am
I deserve to win Golden Axe because i am heading off to University and will no longer be able to play on Xbox live because they block the ports so an arcade game would keep me busy
GT: CMUK
August 21st, 2007 at 1:13 pm
I deserve to win a free copy of Golden Axe because my lactose intolerance has rendered me with a weak bone structure leaving me incapable of actually participating in the kicking of dwarfs or lifting of a sword. This is the only way for me to live out this childhood dream in all its 16 bit glory.
Gamertag: Dazimus
August 21st, 2007 at 4:14 pm
I deserve to win this game be cause i’m an asshole
games396
August 21st, 2007 at 7:00 pm
I think I deserve to get a free copy of Golden Axe because I love old school beat ‘em ups and I have a special place in my heart for this wonderful gem. I used to play this with my friends every weekend and we had beat it countless times. It would be great to re-live the experience and get my friends together once again.
My Gamertag is Grabnar
August 22nd, 2007 at 2:05 am
Golden Axe:
Let’s see, I deserve a copy because I was around the the first time it came out.
tag: N3uR0t1Ca
August 22nd, 2007 at 3:27 am
It’s free, I’m asian, therefore I want it.
gamertag: pruneNuts
August 22nd, 2007 at 3:33 am
The cops won’t let me liberate any more garden gnomes
August 22nd, 2007 at 9:28 am
I deserve it because I do not already have it.
gamertag: h00d00
August 22nd, 2007 at 10:54 am
I deserve Golden Axe because your website told me this contest was easier than the Sonic one, and I got a huge joystick, no joke.
Gamertag : cr0ssley
August 22nd, 2007 at 2:21 pm
i deserve it cause its a great game and i want to crush my dad at the game he says that is his favorite game and can beat me at it i wanna prove him wrong
Gamertag: Doomteam
August 22nd, 2007 at 5:45 pm
I deserve golden axe because im a HUGE sega fan but sadly, i have never played it before ):
Gamertag: Shadow OMGWTF
August 23rd, 2007 at 10:43 am
i deserve a golden axe coz it will match with my gold member ^^
gamertag: Cazamalos
August 23rd, 2007 at 11:01 am
I deserve Golden Axe, because i’m not gonna stand here while Death Adder takes over the once peaceful land of Yuria and murder my friend and partner, Alex. Death Adder has kidnapped the king and his daughter, the beautiful Princess (omg so beautiful), and that bastard is holding them captive in his castle. Death Adder has also found the Golden Axe, (everyone knows that is the magical emblem of the land of Yuria, duh ! ) and he plans to destroy it and kill the royal family unless all the people of Yuria bow to his will (yeah, right…).So i’m not gonna let him get away with this.
Gamertag: Klaus OMGWTF
August 23rd, 2007 at 7:32 pm
Sup everyone! I deserve Golden Axe because I ROCK!!!
Na, not really…
I’m just here from http://www.seganerds.com To wish everyone luck! These are some awesome retro games not to be missed!
August 23rd, 2007 at 9:14 pm
Golden Axe rules.
And this Dwarf needs food badly…… wait, WHAT?
August 23rd, 2007 at 9:15 pm
Golden Axe rules.
And this Dwarf needs food badly…… wait, WHAT?
Gamertag: ROCK en ROLL
August 24th, 2007 at 6:24 am
I deserve golden axe because I have never been able to play it and REALLY want to plus im too cheap to buy it for 5 dollars!
Gamertag: ShadiWulf
August 24th, 2007 at 9:08 am
I love you
GT:ii TA ii pie
August 24th, 2007 at 1:43 pm
I’ve heard nothing but great things about it and I would very much like the chance to play through the game and see for myself what the hype is about. Money is tight (yes even 5 dollars) since the twins were born so I thought I’d give this a shot.
Gamertag: Religion Fails
August 24th, 2007 at 1:58 pm
I think I deserve Golden Axe on XBLA, because when I was 4, it was one of the first megadrive games and first ever video games I had played, next to Sonic 1 (which I recently bought on XBox Live), and I enjoyed it. I later found an actual arcade cabinet in an arcade, black with the retro cartoon drawings of two of the characters on the dragons. I spent about £27 that day playing it. I immediately afterwards went on my local second hand game store to purchase Golden Axe 2 & 3 for the megadrive, played them and were terrific. I never got to play the master system and the other arcade edition of Golden Axe, but for what I have played, it was a great trilogy, and I’d really love to play the original once again, since my Megadrive finally broke down last year and playing it on a newer console on my HDTV with HD Resolution, on Xbox 360, with achievements, leaderboards, and a reason to subscribe to xbox live and play it online would be great, and as a fan of the series from earlier, I think it would be a nice trip down memory lane, specially with the ‘next-gen’ version coming out hopefully somepoint next year, which is why I think deserve it.
Gamertag: jakelawrence18
August 24th, 2007 at 9:09 pm
http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/1415/sonicweirdonion1xk5.png
Gamertag - gatenmaru
E-mail - eastgotenks@gmail.com
August 24th, 2007 at 11:48 pm
Gamertag: leethal 4ce
I deserve golden axe because:
Way back when I was just a little bitty boy playing golden axe under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from Gamestop
You know the place
well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy
Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every other weekend
My xbox would break and give me the three red lights
D’awww - red lights of death!
Every other weekend!
It was driving me crazy
I said to MS
I said “Hey, MS, what’s with all the breakdowns?”
And the Indian, customer service man on the phone
He just huffed at me like an old person huffs at whipper snappers
And he sucked in a big old breath
And he said “CAUSE WE DIDNT COOL IT RIGHT!”
And then he hung up the phone and cancelled my xbox live account
But not before he changed my motto to “I like my little pony” and emailed my personal info to a bunch of spammers.
That’s when I swore that someday
SOMEDAY I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place
Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer
and the xbox 360’s don’t break down
Where the fanboys and the noobs play together in harmony all day long
And anyone on the street will gladly get an achievement for you for a nickel
Wacka wacka doodoo yeah
Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn’t long at all before my dream came true
Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest
To see who could correctly guess the number of 360’s that had broken since launch
I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize
That’s right, a first class one-way ticket to
Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Oh yeah
You know, I’d never been on a real airplane before
And I gotta tell ya, it was really great
Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor
And the little kid in back of me kept throwin’ up the whole time
The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts
And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore
And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out
And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside
And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died
Except for me
You know why?
‘Cause I had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Had my tray table up
And my seat back in the full upright position
Ah ha ha ha
Ah ha ha
Ahhhh
So I crawled from the twisted, burnin’ wreckage
I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days
Draggin’ along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag
And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball
And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel
But finally I arived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn
Where the towels are oh so fluffy!
And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna
It’s OK, they’re clean
Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C
And I turned on the SpectraVision
And I’m just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow
That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there’s a knock on the door
Well now, who could that be?
I say “Who is it?”
No answer
“Who is it?”
There’s no answer
“WHO IS IT?!”
They’re not sayin’ anything
So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected
It’s some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril
Oh man, I hate it when I’m right
So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel
And I’m like “Hey, you can’t have that”
“That snorkel’s been just like a snorkel to me”
And he’s like “Tough”
And I’m like “Give it”
And he’s like “Make me”
And I’m like “‘Kay”
So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus
And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows
And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation
Yes indeed, you better believe it
And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook
And twenty seconds later, I heard a familiar voice
And you know what it said?
I’ll tell you what it said
It said
“If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again”
“If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator”
“If you’d like to make a call, please hang up and try again”
“If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator”
In Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel
But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest
I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice
But first, I decided to buy some donuts
So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop
And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter
And he says “Yeah, what do ya want?”
I said “You got any glazed donuts?”
He said “Nah, we’re outta glazed donuts”
I said “You got any jelly donuts?”
He said “Nah, we’re outta jelly donuts”
I said “You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?”
He said “Nah, we’re outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts”
I said “You got any cinnamon rolls?”
He said “Nah, we’re outta cinnamon rolls”
I said “You got any apple fritters?”
He said “Nah, we’re outta apple fritters”
I said “You got any bear claws?”
He said “Wait a minute, I’ll go check”
“NAH, we’re outta bear claws”
I said “Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?”
He says “All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels”
I said “OK, I’ll take that”
So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out
And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin’ me all over
(rabid gnawing sounds)
Oh man, they were just going nuts
They were tearin’ me apart
You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin’ through my head”
I believe it went a little something like this . . .
Dohhh
Get ‘em off me
Get ‘em off me
Ohhhh
No, get ‘em off, get ‘em off
Oh, oh God, oh God
Oh, get ‘em off me
Oh, oh God
Ah, (more screaming)
I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face
Wavin’ my arms all around and just runnin’, runnin’, runnin’
Like a constipated weiner dog
And as luck would have it, that’s exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams
Her name was Zelda
She was a caligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches
I’ll never forget the first thing she said to me.
She said “Hey, you’ve got weasels on your face”
That’s when I knew it was true love
We were inseperable after that
Aw, we ate together, we bathed together
We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss
The world was our burrito
So we got married and we bought us a house
And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly
Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah
But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me
She said “Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?”
I said “Woah, hold on now, baby”
“I’m just not ready for that kinda commitment”
So we broke up and I never saw her again
But that’s just the way things go
In Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Anyway, things really started lookin’ up for me
Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream
That’s right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler
I even made employee of the month after I put that grease fire out with my face
Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that
I was gettin’ a lot of attitude
OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot
Tryin’ to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil
When I see this guy Marty tryin’ to carry a big ol’ sofa up the stairs all by himself
So I, I say to him, I say “Hey, you want me to help you with that?”
And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes
“No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw”
So I did
And then he gets all indignant on me
He’s like “Hey man, I was just being sarcastic”
Well, that’s just great
How was I supposed to know that?
I’m not a mind reader for cryin’ out loud
Besides, now he’s got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy
So what’s he complaining about?
Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote
This guy comes up to me on the street and he tells me he hasn’t had a bite in three days
Well, I knew what he meant
But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein
And he’s yellin’ and screamin’ and bleeding all over
And I’m like “Hey, come on, don’tcha get it?”
But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming
(screaming sounds)
You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation
Man, some people just can’t take a joke, you know?
Anyway, um, um, where was I?
Kinda lost my train of thought
Uh, well, uh, OK
Anyway I, I know it’s kinda a roundabout way of saying it
But I guess the whole point I’m tryin’ to make here is
I DESERVE GOLDEN AXE!
That’s all I’m really tryin’ to say
And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up
And find yourself in an existential quandry
Full of loathing and self-doubt
And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence
At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that
Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours
There’s still a little place called
Albuquerque
Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque
I said “A” (A)
“L” (L)
“B” (B)
“U” (U)
“querque” (querque)
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque
Albuquerque
(belch)
yeah so please?
August 25th, 2007 at 12:01 am
I deserve golden axe cause we ran out of milkshakes.
(you probably wont read that anyway…)
=p
gamertag:
Splint69
August 25th, 2007 at 12:16 am
I want golden axe cause Im poor and I need more games.
gamertag: blin769
August 25th, 2007 at 12:16 am
mistake above gamertage is bling769
August 25th, 2007 at 9:14 am
I deserved Golden Axes because I played it when
I’m a kid. Good times. Would be glad to play it again.
August 25th, 2007 at 9:15 am
Oh also my gamertag is LINBiNk
August 25th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
Golden Axe should come my way because I am really tiny like dwarfes and could do with some personnal fighting lessons to improve my pacifist ways.
GT : Diogo Miguel
August 25th, 2007 at 9:05 pm
I want Golden Axe because I’m extremely cheap and don’t want to spend 400 of my own points on it when there’s a chance I could get it for free.
GT: AngelusInsomnus
August 25th, 2007 at 10:42 pm
I deserve golden axe because im older than all of you, so i really have played before, you all are liars.
Gamertag: k0k0x (those are zeros)
August 26th, 2007 at 11:10 pm
[...] for the Golden Axe contest have been picked, and will be announced in just a few short hours, if you missed out on that, the [...]
August 27th, 2007 at 1:28 am
I deserve golden axe because im awesome but currently jobless so I have no money for points. You’ll help me out wont you?
Gamertag: KINGvJAMES
August 27th, 2007 at 1:30 am
oh man I just noticed I was late wtf
August 27th, 2007 at 10:20 am
[...] Axe Contest .. And the Winners Are…. by PacoDG First, thanks for the many entries for the contest. After taking like ten minutes weeding through the entries that were valid (c’mon folks, I [...]
November 12th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
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